I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
