smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
