Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
