right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
