I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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