I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I am full of burrito and curiosity
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
