like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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