Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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