Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
