Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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