Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
