You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
