I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
