just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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