She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
It's like God shit irony all over that family
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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