Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
