Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
