All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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