turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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