Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
