Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
