I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
you never un-have a 4some
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
