dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
