shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
