Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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