She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
