That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
