wrigley field is MILF paradise
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
