you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I love having hate sex.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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