I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
