My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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