I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
