Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Will you blow on my dice?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
