While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
