My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
