Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
