Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
A bitchslap is in order.
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