you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
