You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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