god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
