I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
