So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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