Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
