I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
