Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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