wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize