a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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