actually, I'm a sock model
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
