My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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