He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
