Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
