As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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