the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
