Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
