Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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