In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
